DJ Shipley Origin Story Chapter 2 | First Deployment

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all right all right DJ so the last

segment we left off just got out of buds

they were looking for volunteers to go

to East Coast you and Cole were able to

go mhm and let's pick it up to your

first what do you call it station yeah

your first Duty station first Duty

station which is where and when that was

in Little Creek Virginia Virginia Beach

and that was uh SE team 10 checked in

was it late 2003 early

2004 we knew we were going to Iraq we

had abbreviated workup cycle so we

basically in the teams when you first

check in you

have you know indiv ual schools you go

to guys go to sniper School Comm school

breacher school RSO all these little

different schools we missed that entire

six-month training block so we showed up

we basically caught the guys right after

they graduated so Kyle melin God Rest of

Soul Dave fio they both just finished

sniper school as new guys and crushed it

so they already had clout when they

checked in so they were already kind of

in the workup old guys already know we

all checked in in a super surreal

experience mhm because when we showed up

we didn't have a building we were in the

old Team 2 building in the back in

trailers and a bunch of other stuff and

I mean I grew up in that building I mean

I had more time in that building than

most of the dudes that were in

there [ __ ] I think my dad checked in

there in probably

89 retired in 2000 and I mean I was in

there a lot dude all summer just so I

felt like I was home like I knew all the

I knew all the hidden photos were behind

this

and all this stuff that nobody else knew

I was Ware of and most of the dudes in

there they knew me we were sharing a

building with Team two and all the stuff

they were getting a new building built

and it was interesting because when we

showed up you know everybody all the new

guys check in we're all impressed

cammies it feels like we're showing up

the buds just nervous as [ __ ] like don't

know what's going to

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happen and show up to the quarter deack

check in get your service record

whatever and they're breaking you up in

these platoon you're going to go to and

I was in Echo team which was the same

team that lost all the guys in June 28th

in the Hilo that's the platoon I was in

and we all went back to Medical to get

checked in we're probably back there for

15 20 minutes maybe half hour and one of

the guys comes in big look like a look

like a gorilla comes in it back he's

like where's DJ Shipley at right here

and he's like you're out of e team um

you're coming to golf with

him okay I wasn't super disappointed I

had a bunch of my buddies that were all

going to e te so I was oh [ __ ] here we

go you want to be there and now we're

going to switch and now I didn't know

who was going to be in G Cole ended up

going over there Nick check a bunch of

those dudes there it was a stack crew

man I was I was very very fortunate to

end up in that platoon we had some

powerhouses in there but I was nervous

because now I knew they knew who I was

and now it's am I going to live up to

their expectations am I going to ruin

this Legacy am I going to do this like I

don't know [ __ ] dude like I mean I'm

brand new mhm I mean I I graduated high

school early got my driver LIC went up

to California but I haven't drove on the

highway pretty much at all you know what

I mean like I'm I'm new mhm so I'm

checking this team you know I'm still

trying to figure out how to get around

this city like I've never I've never

driven up in Virginia Beach before I me

I'm in middle of nowhere in the country

so it's a bunch of that stuff you're

dealing with and I remember they grab us

all we finish medical we're all going to

go must with the platoons and we walk in

and they're all sitting down these

old um guess you call them like a sage

Brown These shitty old old

couches um they had a a VHS of Masters

of stone going with Dan Osman a rock

climbing Montage that was going on a

couple dudes are looking at him we all

walk in and they don't even look at us

it was it was the most surreal thing so

dudes lined up on couches dudes are

grabbing cups of coffee the platoon

Chief and YC are in the bag and they

walk us back there we walk past all

these dud nobody says [ __ ]

us well this is different how many of

you were there

I think there were nine new guys that

checked in okay nine yeah there were

nine new guys and nine old guys and the

guys we were rolling in with a bunch of

them just came back from Afghanistan on

team 10's first deployment so they were

all plank owners of the command so they

automatically had some clout they just

came back from the show so it was very

cool and then we started getting broken

up like this is going to be your sead

you're going to follow him he's going to

show you the ropes show you around

introduce you all these people all these

different departments and all that stuff

we started getting broken

up and then it wasn't shortly after

maybe either later that day or early the

next day then he want to see what you

had and it was all PT based so we do big

group pts just like back in ' 80s and

90s Four Mile Four Mile Beach runs and

two mile Tim ocean swim four miles back

we do these monster mashes and Buddy

carries and all this

stuff and everything was Performance

Based like they wanted to see how good

of shape you were in how much you gave a

[ __ ] same thing going the flat range we

had a water course that was set up that

was extremely difficult and back then

if if you couldn't complete the water

course and I'll go off on limb here and

I'll say out of every dude on the East

Coast I'm not going to give away numbers

on how many dudes are are I'd say there

were less

than less than 25 maybe

less no more than no more than 40 dudes

that could complete the oakor that's how

hard it was it was nothing but upper

body nothing but grip strength and it

ate our lunch dude I mean you think

about you go down 50 Metter you turn

come back again turn go back again turn

come back again but it's all suspended

from your arms and you are smoked and

these guys are cruising through it but

it's because they do it multiple times a

week and we're getting burned out and

one of the old guys comes in he's like

hey do you know the guy that runs the

pool I was like I know him real well

I've known him myself as a kid he's like

if you ask him for a key he'll give you

a key you can come in on the weekends

and practice I suggest you practice this

is how you earn respect to the people is

when you you show your deficient suon

and then you bust your ass trying to get

better and that's what we all did mhm

every weekend we'd go out Friday we'd

burn it down just like everybody else

and Saturday morning instead of waking

up drinking mimosas and bloody marries

we would all go in and do the water

course then we would go out and get

breakfast get a couple Bloody Marys and

do whatever and that was kind of the

Rhythm so we'd skip PT you know Monday

through Friday we go knock out the water

of course over and over and over until

we finally did it as a group again and

the new guys are busting through I mean

it took months dude of just getting guys

who are really good and you go in there

you do individual obstacles over and

over just just getting your Technique

down and when do I have to dry my hands

off and when do I need to use my legs

and not my arms and what are the little

um what are little tips and tricks to be

able to get through this because really

until you could get through it nobody

respected you and it was it was

obvious we had a bunch of new guy

Evolutions you had to do and if you

weren't winning those or if you weren't

up to their standard and a lot of times

you didn't know the standard it's very

hard to earn the respect because you

haven't done anything operational

there's no reason for them to respect

you and that's why we push so much

physical performance because that's your

handshake that's your calling card

that's your business card how much have

you how much have you cared and how much

effort of you put forth to be as

physically prepared as you can and then

once you start doing that you start to

earn the respect a little more I mean we

had some dudes were some freaks dude

some absolute Freaks and that's one of

the one things I remember checking in

was how big everybody was I mean I was

small dude I'd probably checking that

team if I was 170 lbs I'd be shocked but

I went from 145 when I joined to 170 now

in a you know year and a half twoyear

span I'm growing but I'm still I'm young

dude I don't even have to shave I mean

like I still had a disposable razor I

I'd knock a hair off the front or the

side and I'm good like I'm still a child

so I'm still trying to learn my way we

go to the Armory we get all the guns we

start siding in

and it was kind of like learning through

a fire hose and that's one of the things

I appreciate now the stuff we do now in

here

is we are such better instructors than

we had back then and I'm not throwing

shade at those dudes but it was almost

like they wanted you to fail to teach

you humility I didn't need a lesson of

humility I was already humble and I

think people confuse with my immaturity

years on this planet with immaturity in

the operational sense the respect sense

I respected everybody I was very

humble but I didn't act like the typical

new guy because I felt really

comfortable around Team guys so they

would pass [ __ ] back and forth and I'd

send it right back to them because

that's what I've been doing my whole

life and that was not the approach were

they're taking it back well they were

taking it back to a a certain extent and

then you get tuned up a couple times and

you're like man this is uh this is very

different being on the side of the fence

yeah and it's part of the culture and

you have to you have to be moldable for

the culture if you're not if you try to

meet it with resistance you are going to

lose every single time so whatever music

they listen to I mean that's

that's one of classic tell alls they'll

get you they'll get new guys in a van

like put on whatever you

want you better be very careful what

comes on that radio because whatever you

listen to is going to represent that

entire

group and you have some guys put on some

gangster rap and if they ain't into it

they are not into it I've been in teams

where blasting mwa and everything else

like they love it you got to be able to

read the room and you have to understand

who's in that van and who really cares

and who's Voice who really matters the

most and you know are you representing

the group and everything you do just

constant little lessons but you know we

start to work up we get all our guns we

do a CQB block that block was one of the

most intimidating blocks one of the very

first ones we did I don't know anything

about CQB none of us do we did a fam in

sqt we don't know [ __ ] I don't know the

difference between High ready and low

ready I don't know footing I don't know

anything so we're getting these classes

we're running through and when you go

down this tqb portion

they had a right house and a left house

and in the right house were all a bunch

of EX Dev group cat and they treat it

just like green

team move three inches to your right do

this do that tire drags back and forth

they're beating the [ __ ] out of you so

every time you go there you get crushed

you come back you trying to learn trying

to regurgitate but it was so hard to

understand the concepts and again I

don't want to throw shade but it felt

like we were thrown to the Wolves to a

certain extent that we want to see how

much of these guys will be able to

retain on their own and will polish from

there but it never felt like they were

trying to polish it felt like every

single day you were in there was like a

selection course and it never really

felt like you were part of the team for

a while I mean for for months so you

finish all that CQB you know you're

probably out there for four to six weeks

you're shooting every day CQB every day

full mission profiles intro to night

vision now you're shooting on nods now

you're moving on nods and just

everything and because you haven't got

to see the finished article you don't

really know what you're doing right even

though you're doing CQB you haven't put

it in context you've never been to Iraq

you've never been to Afghanistan you've

never seen an adversary you've never

been shot at you never heard what an

unsuppressed 10-in 5.56 sounds like

inside of a closet like you've never

been exposed to that so when you start

to tie in all the paches with full

mission profiles it feels like you're

doing okay but because they've never

given you a debrief on what it looks

like and that's why a lot of stuff I put

now is like the method actor like I'm

gonna try to paint you a picture so

vivid even if you've never been there

you can get a general gist you can get a

better gist than I got back in the day

of just just keep doing it over and over

and over like I get it but why does it

look different when you go through the

house why I go through the house their

entries are more Dynamic their

presentations were cleaner their target

transition was faster their collapsing

their sector was faster their U moving

in the next threat was faster all their

prect was so fast how are they [ __ ]

doing that and they were never given us

the secret form me and really secret

form is repetition you have to do it

more you have to do it more you have to

do it more and when you start doing it

more and more without constraints you

really get to see the 36720 pitcher

now okay you're going through that

threshold as fast as humanly possible

because you know all the rounds are

going through that threshold and you're

really trying to make movement for the

number two as to clear the other 50% of

this room that's why but for whatever

reason I feel like they never explained

it so we're going through these motions

and I'm not saying we're burning bad

reps were

burning uncalculated reps over and over

and over if you would have given me a

couple little Pearls of Wisdom that's

what he kept saying he's like hey he's

going to throw out a pearl whz and pick

it up so give it to me stick in your

pocket and try to polish it later and we

get through all that we feel like we're

pretty good now we get to land Warfare

completely different set you know now

you're running belt fed machine guns

you're moving around on night vision in

the trees and just all of this chaos and

again like you don't know what you're

doing you're you're just following the

guy in front of you mhm he does this you

do that okay and the more scenarios you

see the more you can start to break a

little bit of the rules and be a little

more Dynamic a little more free flow a

little more thought-provoking you can

ask a little more questions but still

it's like are we patrolling out in the

woods like Patrol to cont what are we

doing it was never like this is how

we're going to get the target we're

going to stop we're going to walk in

miles and if we get contacted this is

what we do mhm we never I feel like we

never painted the picture so a lot of it

I was like are there a bunch of trees in

Afghanistan like I don't there bunch of

trees in Iraq like what are we doing M I

never got it I didn't realize it's just

a standard training block everybody does

you overlay those tactics and ttps and

all those procedures and then you

overlay them on whatever reality you're

serving and then you tweak it just a

little bit to match the terrain you're

dealing with if you just would have told

me that three and a half weeks ago I

probably could have picked up on this a

little bit faster stuff like that is

that them them not explaining why what

you say yeah yeah a lot of times they

didn't explain the why and I think now

looking back a lot of them probably

didn't know the why I mean you're not

dealing with guys with 10 12 rotations

back then you got guys one pump to

Afghanistan who was it busy or not I

don't have any idea right right so maybe

you don't know the why maybe that's why

you weren't you know just data dumping

information because you didn't know now

maybe we're all just learning this thing

together nobody had been to Iraq now

we're all going okay so now what's it

look like then the training started to

get a little more purpose built now it's

compound assault it's a lot of vehicle

work in and out of Humes long range nav

and you know living out of the trucks

and fighting out of the trucks and

vehicle um vehicle maneuver of contact

and stuff like that now it started to

make a little bit of sense but even then

until you're there until you have

something to register is like this is

what it is you don't really

know it'd be no different than being a

surgeon and you're doing tabletops

watching PowerPoints all day long and

you're practicing on this gelatin block

and now you've never seen a human body

opened up you've never done it now it's

for

real I mean it same principles I guess

but you're [ __ ] nervous dude and

that's really what a lot of it was is

the closer and closer we got it started

to make a little more sense but I still

didn't have reality to overlay on top it

and that's really what I need for me

personally is I have to be connected to

the reality of what I'm doing and then I

can connect all the dots between

everything else I can push them together

and go okay now I got it and I'd feel

like even when I even we first deployed

I didn't feel like I was I was prepared

as I wanted to be when we first went I

feel like there were serious gaps in

coverage like and I'm not blaming them

on them I'm blaming it on

Me Maybe not asking questions not being

confident and ask the questions like

dude I feel like I don't I don't really

know what we're doing I've done the CQB

I've done this I've done all that but

I've never done the whole thing and I

just wish you guys would do more story

time maybe they didn't cuz didn't have

the story to give but that's a lot of

stuff we do now is I give you a story

that we've lived through that we can all

connect with and now when you overlay

that on top of this training scenario

you're like okay well he's already

walked me through that like this is what

happened to him if that happens to me at

least I've seen it before I've heard it

before it's a little file folder I can

keep

reserved and I mean we geared up that

that

rotation I forget how long that workup

it's called a year I don't know just

training block after training block so

from after bud

check in a whole year about a whole year

train up of training y work up is

training yep and a lot of it it felt

like we do these big almost like

competitions we call them CX or cidex

back in the day it's like a big

culmination exercise a big FTX field

train exercise and it felt like we were

in competition we'd have the exact same

Target and you know this troop would go

out and hit it we would go out and hit

it they'd go out and hit it and you're

basically being assessed across all your

peers and it felt like we were competing

for there's one group going to

Afghanistan there's one group going to

Iraq and there's one group has to go to

Germany and kind of suck it up and you

don't want to be those guys you don't

want to miss the show and Brad talks

about in an the interview like you don't

want to be those guys you you don't want

to miss the war you don't know how long

this thing is going to go on for that's

what he kept saying like this whole

thing could end tomorrow we could get

overseas and never do anything we have

to be in a position to where they trust

us enough to give us Ops and now we can

be able to push what's the um what's the

point of the guys going to Germany

staging

staging yeah there's not enough the war

was so new there's not enough bases and

locations and supporting assets to put

all those people over there okay so you

put them

nearish now they're still doing training

theying joining interops with all these

other you know the Polish Grom the Jen

all these other people and then halfway

through deployment these guys would rip

out these guys would come in right and

we didn't want to do that either like I

don't want to do three months and go sit

in Germany for three months I'm trying

to do six months in Iraq try to get as

much

as much combat as humanly possible much

experience as possible that way if this

thing ends tomorrow at least I have six

months of combat at least I can rely on

something and yeah I mean the way I kind

of took it is they almost did like a

draft we were all sitting in the team

room one day and came in he's

like going to Iraq and everybody jumped

up everybody's cheering like oh my God

thank you Christ thank you God he's like

but like going to Lottery yeah he's like

but we're going to have to do some PS P

SD like you got it what like we're going

to have to do a little bit of PSD oh

what's PSD for those who don't know uh

personal security detail right oh no

different didn't like Secret Service

yeah and they would charge us out

to State Department diplomats Senators

congressmen you know we were guarding

the president and vice president of Iraq

for a while and just a bunch of these

different things and a bunch of guys had

it so when we first deployed there were

a [ __ ] ton of teams out there I think it

was

four 10 five and seven we're all

deployed in Iraq at the exact same time

so a lot of times we would just have

spill over like us in Team Four they'd

have a team from them a team from us and

we' do these these little bits and

pieces and then we had a staging base

where we would do direct assault up

that's whatever you wanted to do we

wanted to do da nothing but da so you

stage in this space you get your Intel

you plan for a little bit you load in

trucks go out hit a Target come back eat

breakfast get a LIF and go to sleep

rinse and repeat over and over and over

and what was cool for me is because I

was so young they they didn't want me

driving vehicles and that's what you

usually have new guys do is drive but

because I'm so young they're

like there's better guys that can drive

there's better guys that have been here

before whatever else it's like well

we'll have you do this for a little bit

and we'll push you over and eventually

one of the guys who's a super gangster

he's retired now his name's Danny he was

one of the platoon Chiefs at Team 4 and

he called back to my my LPL and he's

like hey man we really love having DJ

here really just like to hang on to him

for a bit he's like okay you can have

him for a month I'm going to need him

every now and then so it's essentially

what we did I'd stay there and do days

with those guys handful do some team 10

and then we'd rotate out for a week i'

have to go to a PT PSD thing come back

back and forth but it was cool man a

small little Special Operations camp we

had um if I remember correctly it was

10th group SF was up on this hill they

liveed in this Palace but I mean we had

an outdoor gym we had a pool Andy arobo

was out there doing gainers off the roof

into the pools one of saddam's is the

food sucked the birthing was suboptimal

at best living on CS but we had a

Proxima we had all the pirated movies

you could ever hope for and we would

just do movie time and hang out and for

me it was like the coolest summer camp

experience in my whole life because

you're with all these dragos out there I

mean he was going ballistic breaching

everything basically rewriting the whole

breaching manual I mean he had a couple

hundred breaches on you know basically

deployment in half and we were blowing

up everything Jesus so it's cool to be

able to sit down and see all these

dudes see him come back from the Ops

we'd all come back from the Ops the

debrief the Copenhagen the [ __ ] talk

just everything it was it was so much

fun to see and then you started cheely

slowly but surely feeling like you were

earning your seat at the table like I'm

starting to pick this up I'm starting to

grasp this I'm getting a little better

I'm getting a little more confident but

you were still a new guy it was still

kind of hard and

remember probably three or four months

in there the old guys started to open up

a lot more sort of really pull you in

their wing and it'd be small things

you'd never imagine like all the new

guys we all be out there watching TV all

the trucks been policed up everything's

good everything is gas the guns are

jammed everything is straight now we've

got four or five hours and one of the

old guys would walk by and we'd all be

in there watching Napoleon Dynamite and

he's like you want to grab some

CH me yeah sure right you'd walk over

the Chow wouldn't say [ __ ] to you you'd

sit down and maybe say three or four

words and it was just enough like slow

but surely being accepted yeah yeah

being there hanging out hey we're going

to go uh we're going to do Fight Club

you want to go yeah we'd all just get up

and we'd all just Mose you on and slowly

but surely they just bring us into the

fold and by right by the last month of

it like you really felt like you were a

part of the team and it was really

really cool to see I wish we could have

made that transition faster because that

was one of my big was my big concerns

because iids were so bad and early days

of Iraq I mean throughout the entire

process they were a nightmare but

everybody was hitting them everybody

except for us and I was so I want say

terrified but terrified that I was going

to get blown up in IID and never get a

chance to fight or that I was going to

get killed and I've never really earned

the respect of platoon that I'm in or I

haven't felt like I'm one of the boys

yet and there's always that

little it's that little bit of

uncomfortability like I'm here I've

earned my stripes but I feel like I'm

not part of the team yet you haven't

been tested exactly it's like when is

that going to happen

you know fast forward to June 28th that

whole thing happens and I think that was

really it was really the Catalyst for

bringing everybody together because then

you know seals being killed in combat is

kind of theory because it never really

happens even in training like it happens

so rarely that you kind of like man that

sucks like how did that happen because

you're

human would you say I mean it was far

and Fe in between oh I mean at that

point how many guys have been killed

four maybe I mean not many not many

enough for it to be a common thing like

it's not 82 Airborne or something else

where like dudes are you're constantly

losing guys it's not like that it's not

like the Marines when they push through

fute it's not like that yeah it's very

very different and a lot of it's the

mission planning the professionalism the

focus the targets we choose the

supporting assets it's all those little

things you know it's a sum of all parts

and it ends up to mitigating the line of

the risk mhm when June 28th

happened that was such a weird time man

and I don't think anybody's ever spoke

about this maybe I have I don't remember

but we didn't know who died for weeks

dude we saw the Hilo go down we watched

joh ISR and then we went ghost town for

weeks and June 28th being Red Wings Red

Wings yeah so Marcus LR the whole Loan

Survivor thing

and I remember when navy times came out

and they had a picture of Michael Murphy

Danny Deeds mat axelon and then just a

list of names but the list of names

weren't anybody that I recognized

because they weren't releasing the guys

from Team 10 and I don't know why they

didn't they had a bunch of pictures of

the four that were missing MH and then

just a potential loss and they were

going around showing the memorial video

to everybody and by the time it got

around to us we still didn't know who

was on the Manifest they kept us on

complete lockdown maybe some of the

senior guys knew maybe some of the older

guys knew and they just didn't share it

what do you think

was I don't know dude maybe they didn't

trust us to not call back and tell

people like you know we had experienced

a loss like that and there's a big

logistical move that not everybody

understands all those families got to be

notified the mother the father if

they're divorced their next the K their

brothers their sisters their wives girl

everybody has to be notified at the same

time yeah that's a huge move so if I

would call back and

like Mom Dad you know so and so died and

he called two people that gets back

around to them like it's

over yeah so I mean internet was brand

new they killed all the Wi-Fi there were

no cell phones didn't have that there

was no Skype or Zoom like there's

nothing there's no way to come back home

they just lock you down

and our Command M Chief and our CEO at

the time had flown in from Afghanistan

they had done the ramp ceremony and

they're about to show us a memorial

video they filmed at Little Creek so

they've already done the memorial my

parents have went to the memorial I

still don't know who's on the Manifest I

have no idea and before he said sat down

to play it he goes I'm going to play you

guys a memorial video but you guys ask

whatever questions you want to and right

before he did I grabbed him his name's

Chuck like

Chuck any new guys on to

manifest no and it sounds [ __ ] up

there was such a sigh of

relief because those are the dudes i'

I'd known I went through buds with them

we all lived in the same houses like my

mom and dad had a bunch of rental

properties all the new guys live at my

parents rental properties all of them I

mean all of them and we were tight dude

and to be so new in teams so Junior in

the organization to think

that God how many guys went to team

10 a third of my buds class died like I

didn't I didn't want to have to deal

with that in my first rotation yeah I

didn't and I know it sounds [ __ ] up

but it was so much

easier to swallow the pill initially

that I wasn't super tight with all those

other guys I mean you knew them all I

mean the teams are very very small so

you knew

everybody um but you hadn't built that

bond that connection with him and while

it sucked to lose that much experience

and that much horsepower and that much

just general badassery it sucked but it

was easier for me to stomach being that

young knowing they weren't my best

friends yeah and then it sucked even

worse cuz once you finish that whole

thing we still had to go out operate

we're still doing the exact same thing

they pull us out right around the

six-month Mark and we're about to rotate

home but they want to send us to Germany

for like two weeks to kind of decompress

the surviving members of echo platoon

are in Germany waiting for us and when

we landed we thought it would be like a

huge homecoming now we're all finally

together we can shower you guys in love

and give you a big hug and how [ __ ]

sorry we are and I'll just tell you

right now they ghosted

us oh

they didn't want to see us they didn't

want to go out and drink a beer with us

and I remember going to one of my U one

of my best friend's room at the time and

knocked on his door

and open up the door and he's just

sitting there and looks at me like

what's up

buddy just dead dead of the world didn't

give a [ __ ] grieving and it took it

took to me it took way longer than I

would have thought to be able to get

those guys to go out go out and drink a

beer let's let her hair down let's not

with the boys would want they want you

to you know live your life and be

successful in the teams and go off live

amazing careers and all that I'd say the

majority of those dudes never came back

from that it just did just it crippled

him man I mean crippled everybody with

those guys especially they took the

brunt yeah yeah and I mean walked around

just carrying ghosts they to clean up

all their rooms and it's like Brad

talked about in at Sean interview now

you're living in their rooms got a f up

all their family photos got to fold

their clothes got to mail them back

their toothbrushes their deodorant

everything their favorite t-shirt the

workout shorts everything it's like one

day they not there yeah man yeah you got

to box it all up and pack it all home

and that's one of the things that was

surreal for me is getting on that bird

and flying home and landing in Virginia

Beach and getting on that bus and

pulling back into the team when you got

off that bus my family was there my mom

was there my dad was there you know hugs

and kisses from everybody there was such

a void of emotional support because they

wanted you to be home but you could tell

there was resentment that you were still

alive so the very first time we went to

like a family event where gold star wise

were there it was um one of the most

awkward things I've ever done because

you get home and people want to say

welcome home but you can't because you

can't do it in front of them yep it's

just weird like

how's everything going I don't know how

to do this I'm just a kid like I don't I

don't know what to say yeah that

conversation must have

been it was um it was man it was super

awkward and I found myself in this weird

position because I was young that I

think I was I was 19 years old the time

yeah I was 19 and came back still

couldn't drink a beer and I essentially

got I got pulled into the wi Circle and

I think it's because I'm an idealist and

they could sense that I've been a part

of these conversations my entire life

there is nothing that a group of team

wives or whatever wives could say in

front of me that I have not heard a

million times and I ended up becoming

like one of the girls so we'd have

family dinners and I'd be the only dude

there it' be me and two other guys and

it was just that

constant rejecting yourself into their

family life to let them know that we

have not forgotten so if that's you know

dances for daughters or daddy daughter

dance like dudes would just volunteer

they up and they take them right like

not showing them we haven't forgotten

that's cool I mean family dinners with

25 people over there and dudes that

weren't even at Team guys from Team Four

over there guys from Team eight

whoever's not in rotation they just dog

pile into Cally Laura mcgreevy's house

and we just have big family dinners

that's ultimately how I how I meant

py just being there how uh how long was

your first deployment six months six

months a little over if you count the

Germany times and seven okay can you

walk back through your first time

hopping off onto the

tarmac as a young 19-year-old like the

C7 flight in c17 Flight in cargo doors

Dude

down yeah man we uh we flew over and we

stopped in Germany for refuel got some

coffee and grabbed a a croissant or

whatever and we go to fly into Iraq and

you know everybody stretched out in

tarps and hammocks and sleeping on

ground pads sleeping on top of the ISU

90 I mean just guys have these little

portable uh Eddie Bower TVs they're

watching you know movies some flashbacks

right there brother I still got it dude

I still got it a throwback on that yeah

I mean dudes just in there trying to do

whatever you can and I remember we were

probably an hour out maybe two hours out

and the crew chief started coming around

waking everybody up and then the lpo is

waking everybody up he's like like

everybody get up pack up all your [ __ ]

rolling up uh rolling up sleeping bags

rolling up ground pads getting all your

stuff ready and then they all start

changing

I'm like [ __ ] are we doing like putting

on cammies what are we doing and then

they all start doing it were you guys in

cies yeah uhhuh like okay uh and then

the ISU 90s start breaking open with all

their boxes in her like big pelican

cases coming out they're assembling

guns okay so we started assembling guns

they're putting on body arm like okay MH

turning on radios getting com checks I'm

like oh [ __ ] okay and this is midair

midair the and the isus are

your huge shipping containers yeah mhm

we're breaking all those things open and

we get about 30 minutes out and

everybody sits down they all Buckle in

they've got helmets on they've got nods

down they've got their gun slung we've

got our big three-day packs that are

clipped into carabiners in this whole

thing and that dude starts doing evasive

maneuvers on the way in and I mean they

are sending it dude it feels like we're

it feels like we're trying to

invert and I'm pretty sure they were

sending flares off the whole thing and

that Final Approach was one of the

scariest things I've ever been a part of

in uh bagam that was Baghdad Baghdad and

I mean it feels like he's trying to

crash Landy airplane is what it feels

like and in our mind because you can see

flares going off you can see the night

sky I mean you can see tracers you can

see all this stuff going off and it

feels like you're under Fire so not

knowing anything we haven't communicated

any of this [ __ ] we've basically gotten

com checks now we're just sitting there

I've never done this before I have no

idea and nine of the other dudes haven't

done it either and nobody's saying

anything so we're just sitting there you

know knee shaking

like okay here we go boom we all touch

down every unbuckles and like oh [ __ ]

now we're all postured up how nervous

were you nervous dude cuz I don't know

like I'm expecting dday like I think the

ramp's going to drop and we're just

going to start hammering dudes out of

the back of this like just gonna eat it

oh bro like I'm prepp my safety selector

I'm like here we go like lasers on caps

are off checking my flood I'm like okay

here we go thing drops and there is a

big yellow caterpillar front

loader mhm like jumps off of he's like

hey everybody out this way drops rent we

all walk out and there's a big bus

there like what was that all about what

are we doing he's like new guys stay

here watch him offload to stuff we'll

meet you uh meet you at the base I don't

know where the base is dude I don't know

where we are I have never been here

there is no one here that is briefing us

we are just figured it out so nine of us

just stood there watched him unload all

the ISU he put him on a big flatbread we

jumped on the back of him they drove us

a couple hundred yards over to the place

we were going to Stage unloaded them all

put them on um 4x4s did the whole thing

broke them all down and we walked inside

and they showed us where we're were

going to sleep do you remember the

difference in when once that bay door

rolled down like did it smell weird did

it oh dude was it hot was it cold at

5,000 ft you could feel the temperature

change when he dropped through it and

the whole C of that C7 filled with it

was a combination between human [ __ ] and

burning tires okay it was uh it was

terrifying dude because you know Black

Hawk Down's one of my favorite movies

and I always remember that scene why are

they burning tires a signal to militia

that were coming yeah and when you could

smell

it that's got to be what it smells like

lower you got as soon as you open the

door I mean it anybody's ever been

inside a portapotty you know in August

in Virginia be like just how bad that's

how it is every square inch of that

country smells like human [ __ ] it's

disgusting dude it just is it's it's

filthy and everybody gets sick always

upper respiratory [ __ ] going on yeah I

mean I remember to smell more than

anything and then the heat it just it

slams into you and you just start

sweating like a humid heat yeah just

that labored breathing like God damn

this air is thick cousin oh just can't

get away from it yes we go over there

they show us the Armory drop guns show

us our Cubbies get all our gear laid out

you know this is this kind of our alert

posture if mortars come in this is what

we do they kind of walk you the whole

thing right and then they showed you all

the essentials here's the bathrooms

here's the showers here's um here's the

gym here's the pool here's the chow hall

here a big whiteboard we're all going to

check in and you can only be in one of

these four locations so were you ever at

a point when your first day in getting

familiarized with the area every down

and just thought oh this is it I'm in

yeah

like I can't believe this is happening

yeah I mean especially yeah because like

you should have been in high school so

yeah it was very surreal for me you know

you'd see the big overlay of the country

we were in you know the cities and towns

and provinces in between and where we're

going to operate from and then they

start pulling up all the intelligence

and Sig act so significant activity so

all the iids that were going off and you

see the route from the base we are and

then a long stretch and the other base

so green Zone's right here this is the

base we're at and this is Route Irish

and it was a dangerous road in the world

I forget how many hundreds of people

have been killed in the couple months

before we got there he's

like everything's nefarious dead dogs on

the side of the road cans in the middle

of the street the overpasses throwing

grenades he's like if you're going to

get smacked you'll definitely get

smacked on this road everybody does and

one of the very first mindsets we had to

do was a convoy out and I was a lead and

um I was one of the lead Gunners so on a

50 cal I was really good on a 50 and we

would drive that route all day all night

and it was Terri we didn't have doors on

a Humes when we got there there was no

armor up in the top I mean you were just

you were just hanging it out there and

you got really numb to the risk really

really fast because you realized you

couldn't control it how long after your

first day did you go out on your first

op

we were counting the the route call them

route clearances or kind of route wrecky

as individual Ops because they were

super sketchy and we were doing that

within the first 24 hours oh wow and

then DA's shortly after that one of the

very first ones [ __ ] blew this huge wall

breach or he tried to I remember him

briefing it and one of the guys didn't

want him to use uh a charge as big as he

wanted to and he was telling everybody

like if you don't let me do the charge I

need to do it's not going to blow

through the wall just not going

to

and they didn't let him do the wall

charge he wanted to and it didn't go he

set a a wall charge if I remember

correctly like a C6 7f footer on the

door and then this huge charge on the

wall and we wrap down the stairs and he

would brief us he's like hey man when

the shock wave comes around the corner

it'll make 90 degree turns it'll make

180 degree turns and if you were

standing in the corner of an

intersection stick your head out open

your mouth and exhale when I say turning

steel when I blow

it the the shock W will hit you in the

chest it'll make you do a a real big ex

feel like knocked the wind out of you

but it won't [ __ ] you up if you hold

your breath you'll get jammed

up okay what happens when you get jammed

up uh just a lot of a lot of over

pressure internally okay a lot of guys

get little micro tears and descending

your order and a bunch of guys been

killed from over pressure shot and these

things are really really big and you

know explosive breaching has been around

but at that Point nobody was doing it at

that level those biggest shots over and

over and over again so that whole

minimum safe distance was still being

worked and reworked because some of the

systems you have yeah some of the

systems you have just aren't going to

accommodate for that or some of the

modifications you make don't work out in

reality yeah so say your minimum safe

distance for this charge is 18

ft we would chop down the reels the

actual initiation device is to 18 ft

well that doesn't account for if I have

to make around a corner so really I need

30 ft to be able to make it around this

corner safe well now I can well now what

I do stick my head between my legs and

exhale just send it when Drago blew that

shot it hit us with such a force it blew

all my sinuses out if you ever had like

a really gnarly sinus infection or like

um brain fluid that comes out of your

nose it's bright orange yeah bright

orange blew out of everybody's nose

everybody's ears popped I mean it felt

like it broke the teeth out of my mouth

off we going to make a dynamic entry in

here so first shots fired boom somebody

gets smacked we turn we make entry it's

small room I think big Center fed room

one room off to the right if I remember

correctly one room off to the left and I

think a little kitchenet that kind of

terminated in the back and I'm probably

four or five guys in and the first dude

I see is uh one of the dudes that shot a

guy in the face hit him right in the

corner of the mouth and basically blew

out this whole

section and for whatever reason he

didn't die they didn't finish him

whatever and now they're bandaging him

up and now we're doing bit TQ the T of

questioning all these people and it was

you know sitting back you don't really

have a job now you're just exal security

but now you're seeing all these people

come out of their houses and move in and

around we're in a huge um like a

multi-story kind of like an apartment

building and there's just people

everywhere dude and now it feels like

we're [ __ ] like you just shot this

dude we just set up the biggest

explosion I've ever seen in my entire

life everybody's neighborhood wakes up

everybody's up now you know you shining

red lazies trying to get dudes back in

our house you can't just shoot these

people they're not brandishing guns but

they're everywhere like man are we going

to get overrun right now Blackhawk Down

just keeps replaying in my head

Blackhawk Down they're going to overrun

us they're going to overrun us like you

kind of terrified at this point it's

like let's just get us the [ __ ] out of

here walking down the stairs we're

bringing these guys off Target and one

of the guys is

like you think that's bad just wait till

we leave o it's when we leave he's like

oh they're going to open open up on us

dude every rooftops about to light off

like

Christmas Jesus Christ you're just

sitting in the back of

these armor there no armor dude it was

so bad at one point that I think it was

Team Four they were taking ballistic 9

mil blankets and just hanging them in

the doors just to try to get something

why didn't you guys have armor too new

in the war too new in the war mhm we

grabbed everything he had in Mogadishu

93 and just rolled it Forward armor

didn't start coming on for

really until our second third rotation

was really when it started get becom

prevalent when they really started

dumping money into it as we started

seeing the IM wraps and all the other

stuff up until then it was thin skinn

Humvees so you guys just kind of sucked

it up with Humvees dude we didn't even

have strike plates you look at that

front of the humy there's like a big uh

ballistic shield in the front of it

Barrel comes in between it we have those

there was nothing dude I'd set up on top

of it riding up top 50 cal in my lap

riding out in broad daylight like

there's no way to hide there's no reason

too hot if they're going to blow you up

they're going to blow you up just got to

suck it up this op you guys were

exfilling out of that was it was at

night time mhm and you're getting ready

to leave walking down the stairs and

just looking up and just seeing all the

people on the roofs and you're just

waiting for it like oh my God like

there's nowhere to hide we're going to

get in the back of these trucks and

everybody's just porcupining out just

holding High holding low just trading

threats there's just IR lasers going

everywhere and you're just waiting to be

shot at we pull out drive back to base

nothing nothing

nothing okay okay survive the first one

survive the first one and just rinse and

repeat every night rinse repeat every

night over and over and over you

mentioned the um accepting that you have

no control over

it and just I was like the thing with

the IEDs

is they're so good at planning them and

initiating them that if you don't have

armor you're done yeah there's nothing

you can do you still got to drive from

here to there and if they hit you they

hit you and called divine intervention

God whatever you want to say just very

very lucky because there were people

that drove that route way less times

than we did who got hit every time they

left and guys who drove it three times

as many times as we did and never hit it

once it's like it there's no Rhyme or

Reason it's not because we were super

badass we plan the same route it's like

driving on 264 just one into the other

mhm yeah and we drove it a lot dude I

got my notebook in there somewhere I

mean all the time sometimes multiple

times a day what were some of the

challenges when you guys are doing this

day and day out through going down this

route complacency

complacency yeah not being a victim of

your own success thinking you got it

figured out and that's why you're not

getting hit people would tell you things

or we would start to regurgitate the

same story like oh the reason you're not

messing with this because they're scared

of us because we look so aggressive

aggressive because the guys hang out the

back of these humies don't look like

normal soldiers that's why they're not

hting us they don't want to [ __ ] with us

that's not true that's not true at

all right place at the right time right

place the right time or the the

ladder yeah wasn't because you were so

tough dude's way tougher than us getting

smacked all

day just lucky man just lucky running

that route and doing Das those were your

primary mhm roles doing that first

deployment m M yeah I got to do a little

bit of PSD work had the um the president

or the vice president we had to do a

detail for him one time that was that

was surreal dude cuz we drove I mean

hours and we're on these up armored SUVs

and we're driving he's basically going

to

do kind of like a political rally but

it's going to be in his hometown where

he's from if I remember correctly it was

like to crit or something like that and

we drove in there basically got the

front car another car say the limo's

vehicle 3 I don't remember I'm in

vehicle 4 there's vehicle 5 and then

there's subsequent armor behind that and

we're all driving through it supposed to

be in a low profile kind of manner and

when we turned down this final

Street it looked like you were at

Woodstock there were just people

everywhere you couldn't get through the

streets they were everywhere and they

knew who it was so they all started to

put hands on the vehicles and they're

just rocking it back and forth because

you don't speak the language you've

never been there before you don't know

if it's friendly or if it's

hostile and my OIC was super badass dude

he's like look at the roofs and you look

up and there's just dudes on all the

roofs with the black ski mask on banders

of ammo holding PK dudes with RPGs just

standing

here do we shoot him he's like not

yet

well

okay

okay dicey get closer and closer gets

louder and louder they're shaking it

more and more and more you know we're

inching away trying to Horn these guys

out and at a certain point I'm sitting

in the back driver's seat I'm sitting

here my OIC leans back and he hands me a

Jansport um backpack full of hand

grenades and he's like start prepping

these I've got to sit in my lap I like

start prepping them he's like start

untap them when I tell you roll down the

window and start throwing them out the

windows why do you tape him I think I

save mechanism okay so the spoon or the

the Ring's not just free

floating makes sense yeah just untape

them all they're all they're

all um also got the Locking pin in but

just now I'm just sitting on the

backpack full of these things and I look

up and he sees the same time I do the

back right passenger door opens up the

vehicle in front of us and that dude

jumps out the VP uhhuh jumps out and

starts walking down the middle of the

street mob his ass like he disappears

into the crowd and uh I I forget what

the call was back then but it was

basically like um bailout bailout like

everybody get out of the vehicles and

try to surround this dude well the guy's

still in the vehicles stay in the

vehicles he's like we're going to have

to fight back to him if everything goes

crazy if he gets super dicey everything

goes out of the driver so I just start

dumping hand grenades shoot everybody

who's bad save all the good guys come

get us and it's like those breakdowns of

communication leave a lot of room for

interpretation like if he wouldn't have

pointed at those guys on a roof and I

would have jumped out and seen those

guys I would have shot him I mean there

to do with a PK with a ski mask on you

know 50 55 yards away from me like you

don't have a whole lot of time to mess

around that dude's got an RPG that guy's

got this like but I mean there's dozens

of them everywhere

like it's a lot of responsibility on a

junior Force 19y old yeah guys that

don't really know what the hell they're

doing you're just trying to pick up

basketball at that point and uh just a

Sur Real experience just to see him like

are they friend or they foe you have no

idea you don't speak the language you

can't

tell inside of that you have no idea

you're just trying to not overreact

you're also not trying to be so passive

that you let them get the upper hand

it's this weird throttle control where

you're constantly you stay steady steady

pressure I can always accelerate real

real fast but I take my foot all the way

off the gas I've got a lot of room to

make up to get back on steps just steady

pressure just throttle control go go go

back it off back it off you got to be

really good at being able to manipulate

that how did that mission then what's up

how did that mission

end if I remember correctly we end up

recovering him after an hour or so we

finally got done doing whatever he did

it um nobody end up cracking off if I

remember correctly on xville we heard a

bunch of explosions in the back um we

were getting a bunch of Intel like

suicide bombers and V bids that were

lining in the streets and they were

waiting for us to get there and they

were going to start cracking them off

and just the whole thing was super dicey

and him getting out of the vehicle was

never part of the plan never supposed to

get out of the vehicle

but reacted to it got him back in the

vehicle got him out safe and yeah the

PSD stuff was not um was not fun was not

sexy but it gave me a really good look

into how that mission set actually rolls

like we talk about Secret Service and

you know the Trump assassination Tim

just how the job how hard that job

actually is yeah very few people have

ever had to do it and see what it's like

especially when the principal does not

do what you say yeah that's got to be

frustrating yeah because ultimately it's

your responsibility yeah right and if

you tell him to get down and he doesn't

get down then what he gets cliffed and

it's really on your watch you're the one

taking blame for it yeah yeah PSD is not

a it's not a sexy Mission it's

definitely not a fun mission unless you

really like doing that

stuff you learn a lot of good um a lot

of good lessons about navigating human

terrain how to get people to listen to

you how to earn their trust how to earn

their respect and how to get them

ultimately stop doing what they want to

do and listen to what you have to say at

the end of the day you might think you

know these people but if they grab you

and drag you off the only people com to

get you are us you have to listen to us

I know you want to jump on top of that

Podium and scream from the

rooftops now it's the time yeah you got

to make him understand that you said

your your uptempo was actually pretty

high yeah first time around your first

pump yeah I mean as far as going out

doing the patrols doing the route wrecky

doing the Das doing the PSD I mean busy

dude yeah not a whole lot of real

intense

gunfights at least not in that time and

I think a lot of it was with how strict

they were with the curfews right then

because Baghdad was the Hub you start

getting on the aliar and a bunch of

these other places like rules were very

gray that that uh that curfew we had

them on they meant it and I mean we used

to joke cuz our first couple prent

patrols were all at night time you

wouldn't see anybody not a single car in

a Street no one no one outside you drive

past houses you wouldn't see a single

light on it was a ghost town and I used

to joke like I feel like we're hunting

for the [ __ ] Yeti or something like I

haven't seen an Iraqi in

weeks and then right when you started

kicking off da you're like oh okay like

they really do mean business with curfew

as you start to get away from the city

proper those guys didn't give a [ __ ]

about curfew you'd roll through they're

all on the rooftops they all got PKS

they all got machine guns like they

don't care in bag dad because it was

such a big presence they really they

really forced

it you don't have to go into into detail

if you don't want to but was your first

deployment the first time you've

actually proven

yourself

um

no

no I feel like I had I had I definitely

had multiple

opportunities but there was a hesit

and

justifying and I think that's the hard

thing looking back on it now the

experience I have now back then

definitely should have done it should

have but it's one of those weird things

where because you don't know and because

the culture hasn't fully revealed itself

to you and you don't actually know what

you're

doing like there's been multiple times

where you go to make a room entry

there's a dude standing in the corner

and you pin him up and he's fighting to

the opposite corner and you don't know

why you flip him ass over teac Kettle

and drive his head on the ground and hog

tie him and then you look over and

realize he was actually going for an

AK like if my processing would have been

better I would have presented him

collapsed my sector seen that AK and now

I would have known what his attention is

now when he goes for it now I know what

he's going for just because I'm so

Target focused on this one thing this

human three feet from me it's the only

thing I can see almost blinded by my own

success I've actually met him face to

face I'm holding on now I'm not

collapsing sect I'm not process and

everything else in the room could have

been a bad dude in the corner and I

missed him cuz I'm so target folks was

accountability as a new guy was that a

main uh concern was it in the Forefront

before engaging you don't want to be

involved in a bad shoot and you most

certainly don't want to do anything you

could bring a negative eye to the

command the unit whatever else just you

know the war is

very it's in its infancy anyway and I'm

not going to throw [ __ ] at anybody but I

mean we were just coming off that that

huge nightmare at Abu gra the prisoner

and like that was a huge thing man we

were very restrained in what we did to

these people like there was never any

prisoner abuse we never we never treated

them like [ __ ] at all I thought I was

actually now I think about it I was

actually really taken back with how

Humane the dudes were I mean truth be

told if it would have been me in Vietnam

like I would have went

ballistic that's just not how it was and

you didn't need to I think that that was

the cool thing is to see people

operating on that dial like we can crank

this whole thing over and kill

everybody but he's not doing anything

that makes me need to shoot him yeah

we're just going to after a while you

start realizing it's it's essentially

Catch and

Release going to capture these people

basically become a SWAT team going to

drop him over to attention facility

he'll be released in 48 hours now he has

a warrant out but that doesn't do

anything yeah those are the rules that's

what you want if they want to fight

awesome great but now when they realize

if I just hide that gun under my bed

they're not going to find it and then

shoot me that's not a thing they're just

going

to they're going to tie me up they're

going to throw me in the back of the

truck they're going to feed me three or

four meals they're going to interview me

for a little bit they're going to

release me and probably pay me money and

that's pretty much how it

went did you find racky are kind of

gaming that system dude that was youro I

mean you

find you find their whole ttps

everything they do and they tell them if

they come to your house in the middle of

night do not put up a fight hide all

your stuff they'd hide a neighbor's

house they'd hide it in cigs they'd bury

in the backyard just like Saddam and a

spider hole they all had those they'd

bury everything and when ISR got better

um all the drones and stuff you'd watch

him do it so You' study their house all

night long and you'd watch him walk out

the back pull up some big tarp scrape

out this thing lift open a box cover it

back with dirt put a tarp back over it

that's where he kept all the [ __ ] H so

we go in there we do the whole raid

bring them all down walk outside lift at

the Box grab all his stuff hm homemade

explosive grenades RPGs like bip it we'd

blow it in place arrest him do whatever

take all your photos you know for the

court systems whatever but he get

released now he's just that much more

trained those people would go on they

train other people this is what you have

to do when you encoun of the Americans

do this do that and then you the guys

that are the foreign Fighters the true

believers who they don't want to do any

of that I just want to kill kill

Americans it's all it's all I'm here for

and those people they didn't care about

anything but fighting M which is cool to

see both sides of it were your your

mission sets back in the day as your

first deployment who were these guys you

were chasing after for direct actions or

dude it was everything from Finance

years to bomb makers to Splinter Cell

Shadow Governors to a lot of DUS wans so

a lot of what dwan I'm trying to

remember the um

I can't remember the actual acronym but

it's

uh something unknown

um God damn it essentially missing

person's report okay so it's not really

a hostage rescue but it kind of is you

have loose Intel and you're basic just

combing the desert trying to find these

lost Americans Convoy gets blown up they

drag out three bodies just a Lynch you

know stuff like that right right it's

like now you got to spin them they all

assets go towards that so you're

basically coming and desert for weeks at

a time trying to find these things and

you'll hit a Target and there'll be a

pair of American candy bottoms like oh

[ __ ] what's this what's oh this American

flag Pat you it's been cut off a uniform

you're like God damn it and then you

find their bodies in a tiger see

Euphrates River like okay yeah L of that

stuff what would you say would be the

first sign of just

ugliness and war that you experienced

during your first

deployment all of it dude all of it like

um some of the IID stuff some of the

vbid stuff was pretty crazy and even

though we weren't getting hit by them

they were in our area so we would get

all the all the reporting of it

so vbid drives through uh F through he

blows through a US checkpoint and

detonates himself

well how'd he get to the first gate well

he had his son with him yeah what was

his son doing he oh he said he was

dropping his son off to do something

with the embassy he was going to be a

translator or something like that and

just detonates him and his

seven-year-old

kid okay it's terrible yeah man like

they rigged the whole house to blow and

kill the whole family in one shot they

just they generally speaking they didn't

care and I think to be able to see that

full

was it sounds messed up but it's kind of

fascinating because you hear about like

kamakazi bombers and just people that'll

go the whole distance like you can't win

those things and you got to see it in

real time like well at the end of the

day it's like well we just want to get

into a gunfight or

whatever yeah but these dudes will

charge you and blow themselves up that's

a very hard thing to combat especially

when they walk around and yeah Plain

Sight they're just like this and you

have no idea they have a an s belt on or

an SS and like they blow themselves up

like oh my God yeah it's hard to it's

hard to win those kind of things it's

hard to put in perspective for other

people haven't seen it

MH it a good lesson to learn the whole

way through

but yeah I mean from the day we got to

the day we left I finally felt like I

was getting up on step and I was like

now I just want to get a better Target

line and that's

really that's when you see the different

levels of the game is how good your

supporting assets are how much in agency

operability you have and just how much

Intel they're pouring into you how much

your guys truly give a [ __ ] and you'll

get some Intel guys who they don't know

anything more than you do but they'll

get on these tangents where they're like

we're running this thing to ground and

it'll be such a good Target set every

single time you go out just kinetic

kinetic

kinetic I don't even care if we're

making a difference it certainly feels

like we are because all the dudes who

are True Believers we're smacking every

single night it's like this is what

we're after and you get some guys like

well we really got to disrupt this

Finance year Network and just Banker

after Banker after

Banker we're essentially chasing the

money for nothing because they get

released

too like it's kind of hard to manage

your expectations because you don't

really know you haven't done enough

rotations to realize what's good Intel

what's bad Intel what you can actually

take away and we do these big briefs

what's most likely course of action

what's the most dangerous course of

action what are we going to do in both

scenarios yeah yeah you kind of get numb

to the risk especially you start hitting

we'll say a dry hole but not a kinetic

not a kinetic not a kinetic once you

stack up 10 or 15 of

those lot of probability tell me 16's

going to be the exact same thing op 17

is going to be the exact same thing you

start to believe that and then all of a

sudden boom [ __ ] instead of resetting

every single time like this is the one

this is the one this is the only op that

matters tomorrow doesn't matter

yesterday I don't give a [ __ ] about

yesterday today is the only one that

matters and I wish I would have done a

better job reshaping my own narrative

every time we went out you always have

those signs where you leave the base

complacency kills complacency kills for

sure but if if I would have done a

better mental reset and if I would have

pushed that on some of the other guys

with me it's the only op that ever

matters not the one we're going to do in

three weeks not the one in three months

not the one in

2007 this one tonight is the only one

that matters if I die tonight n of the

other ones

matter it's hard to have hindsight in a

moment

I mean that's why we push a lot of stuff

we do know learn from our mistakes not

our

successes we got [ __ ] this whole thing

up dude I've been complacent multiple

times we all

have a lot of times if you not going to

be able to get a mulligan you can't redo

that

one if I give you one gift it's live in

the moment right now don't worry about

tomorrow deal with tomorrow when it

comes right now it's lock in 100% Focus

don't think about what you're eating for

child don't think about the workout

don't think about what football game

you're missing don't think about any of

that [ __ ] none of that matters the only

thing that matters is right now

today how' you fight

complacency surrounding myself with

professionals and trying to mirror just

do what they do walk the way they walk

talk the way they do wear the same kit

the way they do eat the same Foods the

same workout the same Fight Club watch

the same movies the same music just you

see someone who does it ultra high level

just mirror that that's a proven method

it's no different than Kobe Bryant

if I wanted to be an amazing basketball

player I would just take his routine and

I would mirror it that's a really good

starting point might not be perfect for

me but it'll get me to where I need to

go at least on that same path that's the

same thing you doing the teams like I

really want to be like that guy why

because he's good at everything looks

apart sounds apart briefs apart

performances on par with everybody else

I've ever seen and his his methodology

and his meticulous nature is what I'm

striving to be like we just do what he

does yeah I am I'm just going to do

exactly what you do and then as soon as

you find a guy that he's mirroring you

mirror that guy and now you start to

Leap Frog well that guy's mirroring him

who's he mirroring that guy oh that guy

[ __ ] real tight okay now just a Leap

Frog right find that Mentor adopt his

policies his

procedures his routine and then look to

upgrade who's the next guy who's the guy

after that who's the guy after that who

do I want to be in five years that dude

better start studying his human moves

everything he does just mirror it that's

a really good starting point think a lot

of guys want to reinvent the wheel or

think oh I can just take out one or two

pieces really look at what he does do

you want to be him in his entirety or

just this one aspect of his life it's

just this one aspect then just live that

aspect right if that dude's running

dials and switches and you don't need to

have a dial don't run a dial yeah you

don't have a wife you don't have a

girlfriend you don't have kids you can

be super selfish right now just take

what he's doing on this aspect and just

elevate it and that's what you see guys

go from good to Great really really fast

Nick check was like

that didn't have anything competing with

him I mean he had a girlfriend

but nothing that really tied him down

he's a nomad he just trained his ass off

and for me it show in his performance

yeah yeah just try to surround yourself

with people that are better than you and

just adopt what they're doing makes it

so much easier to digest because now

it's a proven model and you can see it

and you can see it as it progresses

daily damn man he's really make a huge

stride in the last 60 days how is he

doing that what are you reading right

now give me that book like what are you

what are you getting out of this book

right here and it'll be you know Talent

Code or something

like okay let me read that

M SLE little changes try to make

yourself a little bit better every

day can you run us

through what you were thinking if you

could remember or the emotions that went

through you during your last day

leaving Iraq and your first day Landing

in the

US so everything once you get overseas

is kind of a countdown it's a countdown

to positive and negative some guys look

at it as I've got 180 days till I get

home M and some guys look at it as I

have 180 days to do as much as humanely

possible lot of guys us to trickle down

to that last 30 days that's where it get

super dicey the first month and the last

month are always most dangerous

unemployment you look historically

speaking that's when people die first 30

in last 30 out that's when it happens

and I think it's

complacency you either

haven't you haven't built in your

routine yet understand the battlefield

geometry That's Where You're vulnerable

in the first you're trying to kick off

the point with the Bang You're accepting

a risk that maybe you normally wouldn't

have CU you don't landscape or at the

very end you've been super successful

for five months or whatever the

deployment is now it's the last month

you're like I really want to close it

out on the bang you really start to take

a little more risk you're like we can

really really push like we're chasing an

Loom cycler this one Shadow govern this

one Finance whatever it is we're so

close I do not want to hand this off to

seel team pick one like we want to knock

this out and you really start to lean

forward and that's when you start to

accept more risk like well the better

answer would be to do a Hilo insult

like we're into a heilo assault we don't

have the

asset [ __ ] it let's push anyway and then

everybody buys in you're like let's go

let's go you start to buy a little bit

of that so for me that last that last 30

days I didn't really want to come home I

damn sure didn't want to go to

Germany but I didn't want to start and

stop because you see guys they start to

pack down their stuff and they've got to

unpack it just to go again they get

extended they get extended pack it up

break it out pack it up break it out and

once I started packing it up I wanted to

be gone and if I remember correctly I

didn't start packing my [ __ ] until we

were probably 24 48 hours out everything

I have there it's kind of like here I

hoard it for a little bit and then I

just throw away everything well

everything I had in there I just threw

away like I'm not packing any of this

[ __ ] out I packed up the Bare Essentials

and but it was

surreal boxing that up because I didn't

know if I'd ever come back and I loved

it even though it wasn't my most amazing

deployment I loved it because it's my

first introduction into the teams into

combat being able to see it get

done and I just wanted to do it again I

was like God is there any way I can just

spin this thing up here we talked about

volunteering and staying longer it's

like d I'll do another six right now

like I I didn't want to come home was

that a

thing not at the time there were some

guys that got to stay over they do a

month they do turnover with this team

and just kind of help bridge the gap a

little bit but I'm a new guy they don't

need me to do that I don't my ass from a

hole in the ground yeah no reason for me

to do that but I know I didn't want to

go home and not because I was in love

with Iraq I just I was afraid I was

going to miss something I'm like they're

going to hit a nasty Target set as soon

as we pull out of here and these guys

are going to get it all like damn kind

of jealous a little bit eny I'm like now

that we set the groundwork we've got

this badass Target line we're going to

hand it over to you and you're going to

come in here and just clean house and

part of that is like you want him to get

that and there's a part of it's like I'm

really jealous you don't want to miss

out yeah you don't

yeah but I remember that last drive over

had to get in the Humes and had to drive

that whole way to be able to to fly out

and it's like this is going to be

it this is going to be it right here

this is what you're going to get me it's

the anxiety huh uhhuh like 100 yards

mortar 75 yards 50 yards right at the

gate I can see the gate 25

yards we made it oh we made it mhm grab

some cow green bean coffee jump on the

airplane

fly home and then rinse and repeat again

yeah it's always real experience coming

home it's the same thing when you land

every single time you land it feels like

you've been there a thousand times and

it feels like you've never been there

before it's a weird Nom it's like deja

vu but kind of in Reverse it's like a

distant memory like this feels familiar

but I don't know

what then after 20 30 minutes on the

ground you're like oh yeah I've been

before

everything's fine yeah you really get

settled in quick I tell it to everybody

as soon as you can get in a routine be

the best thing you can do you figure out

what everybody's doing whatever routine

you have to be on and then fully adopt

it I've seen guys do every model you can

possibly imagine and we'll we'll call

them vampire

hours so we would wake up

at 400 p.m. wake up at 400 p.m. do

Fitness Whatever by 5:00 you're eating

by 600 you're coming back take a shower

whatever you can do by 7:00 you're

briefing by 8:00 you're watching movies

by 9:00 you're doing vehicle checks and

you're driving out come back next

morning 2: 3 4 in the morning come back

eat some pancakes get some bacon take a

shower pass out sleep all day wake up

and do it again I've seen guys that have

done the polar opposite because they're

not expecting a consistent schedule of

every single night we're going out and

they're like well I want to stay on this

schedule because then I'm awake so I can

call my family or I'm awake so I can do

this and do that I'm going on daytime

schedule that way I have a full day

routine my circadian rhythm will be

better I'm sleeping and then you realize

that there's no reason for you to be out

because every single person in this team

is asleep except for you and now we do

eight days consecutive back toback we're

not coming back till 3: in the morning

and you're staying up the whole time

that ain't going to work so you take

these little cat naps and try to make up

for it by day 10 you're on favor like

you can't maintain it you've been on

hell week this whole time people try do

that people don't want to accept it I

hate sleeping in hot tents and for

whatever reason every deployment I've

ever been on I've slept on essentially

the east side of the building so as soon

as the Sun Crest it bakes on the side of

that goddamn tent and it's miserable

dude just laying there just sweating you

got fans on you you'll rig up these

these weird AC Ducks were just blowing

on you and you're just laying in filth

just

sweating

gone days weeks without showers just the

whole baby white thing bottles of water

just all of it it's it's very

uncomfortable until you just accept it

but getting the routines that's

definitely where it's at if you can

figure out your your eating schedule

your lifting schedule your sleep

schedule everything else will fall out

in the wash so when guys don't do that

you

really really lose grasp over time and

the things you can't control everything

just starts getting muddled together and

then one day turns into 20

days [ __ ] is it been a month already

like cuz you're not in a routine yet mhm

doesn't feel like and then you don't

feel like you're at home and always

feels like you're staying at somebody

else's house you know what I mean like

your better stays night at your house

it's not his home still feels weird

about going to the fridge still feel

weird about waking up in the morning

making coffee am I going to wake anybody

up it's like if you adopt the whole

routine with everybody else this is your

house you should feel comfortable come

back here and sleep

and it's our home it's our home for the

next six months make it your home I

think getting on our team's crucial when

you got back to Virginia after doing a

pit stop in

Germany first time seeing your parents

how proud was

Dad oh yeah dude yeah through the moon

Bean mhm yeah Mom

too yeah but it was um it was a sigh of

relief because they had been doing all

the memorials for June 28th right and

that was our team that was first

deployment it was just it was so close

and I think

I think they knew that I was supposed to

be in that team and even though you know

rewind it I wouldn't have been on that

Hilo regardless none of the new guys

were on that

Hilo still really close yeah and then

you look at Iraq I mean they were glued

to the TV he was still doing Contracting

at Blackwater and all that kind of stuff

so I mean you're seeing it Scott hon

being hung from the bridge that like

it's happening dude like this is not

this is not the 80s and 90s this is [ __ ]

is real yeah yeah once the ID is kicked

off and then you know the Iranian

influence came in and now we have

suicide bombers and all this other stuff

like this is this is legit this is not

train knops this is all real and these

people are actually trying to hunt you

all

day yeah I mean yeah super proud let's

say so all right let's let's close this

out but before we do was your dad he was

with Blackwater at that point mhm was he

in that in in uh Iraq as well well you

were in country he wasn't he was in um

he was in Afghanistan not the same time

but around it gotcha all right okay well

let's wrap this up and then we'll uh

we'll come back we'll pick it up for

second deployment second deployment so

sounds good yeah all right appreciate

you cool