Menjaga Relasi Suami Istri Tetap Hangat dan Romantis

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Bismillahirrahmanirrahim and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah and his family and companions, and Allah is the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, friends, of course, Ms. Hesti, Ms. Sunia and all the attendees and maybe there are also out attendees who are happy

Our morning forum this time, of course, wants to be one of the inspirations to do good deeds, to continue, to exist, and to implement what we always call as "Islam Rahmatanil Alamin dan Akhlakul Karimah".

In the context or in the case, for example, the relationship between husband and wife this time. So, what is it called, the relationship is of course dynamic, full of complexity, and others that require us to always think and try to make the relationship, the term of people today, healthy.

So it's not toxic, it's not poisonous, but healthy. And of course, in the Quran, it leads us to Sakina through mawaddah and rahmah. If the concept is in the Quran, maybe I will repeat it a little more. Because the title of this language is actually

It's also scary and nice. Tips, tips, yes. Tips are the impression that I am the most experienced person, the happiest person, even though all humans are up and down. But we all want to process the relationship so that it will be in the world of Hasanah and in the hereafter of Hasanah. The initial concept, if we go back to Surat Ar-Rum, of course, Sakhinah is

a peaceful, comfortable, and relationship that gives goodness, blessings, and benefits to the two sides, husband and wife. That is the sakinah. And in the Qur'an, sakinah here is present.

and future in Arabic, fi'ilmu dhoreh so now and will come, litas kunu ilaiha so that all of you, dear husband and wife, can feel and realize now and will come, that sakinah, ilaiha with your partner one of the main models of sakinah, because sakinah is

the result of a relationship is mawaddah and rahmah. "Wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddatan war-rahmah" And Allah makes it modal so that we reach the sakinah, there is a feeling of mawaddah and rahmah in ourselves that is in harmony. If there is no mawaddah and rahmah, that is what will be toxic.

Toxic is different, how we solve it. Toxic is when we are tense, stressed, and even have a bad feeling, and we want to make up for it, or even we are stressed, we are suspicious, we keep getting angry, we keep making mistakes, we keep getting wronged,

We have to be in control so that we don't feel like we are part of others. The context of this forum or morning lecture is how when we have a good relationship, but why are we so cold? About that. There are two types of relationship that Sakinah produces, which are compassion and mercy.

Mawaddah is a love that makes us want to fulfill our needs in that relationship. We are happy, we are comfortable from our partner. That is mawaddah. We want to be happy, we want to be happy, we want to fulfill the results of that relationship. That is mawaddah.

So if you want to be comfortable in that relationship, then you want to be helped, you want to be loved, you want to be accompanied, you want to be treated, and so on. And from there, I feel happy, that is the motivation. And that is important as a capital. If it doesn't exist, it will be difficult for us to achieve that goal.

The second one, but it's not enough, there is a second model that needs to be balanced, namely mercy. So, mercy here is love, love, which actually moves us to make sure our partner is happy, make sure our partner is comfortable, make sure our partner gets the benefits and blessings from the relationship we build.

The art of managing between mawaddah and rahmah will appear later, and of course it must be processed continuously. In the context when we have the consideration or ability to manage mawaddah and rahmah, which we make as a foundation to have a healthy relationship,

In practice, as humans, because there are no humans, no perfect relationships, at least we will experience poverty.

And it's human, it's normal, especially if we are faced with age, challenges, both internal and external. And life is, in the Quran, an experiment. So you will definitely experience waves, ups and downs, and so on.

normal and that's normal. Well, because of that, the most important thing is how to manage it, making this dynamic not destroy it. That's why this marriage relationship is always emphasized by the Prophet as part of piety. اِتَّقُوا اللَّهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّمَا أَخَلْتُمُهُنَّ بِأَمَانَةِ اللَّهِ "Praise be to Allah,

try to be a person who is pious, who believes, who practices morals and mercy as a part of piety when we are in a relationship with our partner. Finisa, literally, of course with the wife, but in the Mubadala method, with our married couple. So our relationship with our married couple is part of piety.

Why? Because we have that relationship, it is a blessing or a result of Allah's trust or the responsibility that Allah has given to our mother.

Men when they think, behave, and relate to their wives must be in the context of piety. Likewise, women to their husbands must also be in the context of piety. We must continue to push ourselves and our partner to continue to be a merciful and moral person.

So this is the basis, then when we experience poverty, we have to find a way to avoid poverty. We learn, one of them is neuroscience, psychology, there are all kinds of things that we need to

We need to try to make us not jealous so that we can strengthen this relationship as a part of piety because we have to take care of it as a part of responsibility or trust in Allah SWT

Another famous hadith in Sunan At-Turum is "khairukum li ahlihi wa nakhairukum li ahlihi" So one of the good traits, one of the good morals, one of the benefits of goodness in Islam is our relationship with our family

Of course, this family is wide with husband and wife, then children, parents, siblings, but in the context of our discussion is with our partner. That is part of the demand or the command of Prophet Muhammad to continue the process to be good. Good in the sense of course according to faith, according to

akhlakul karima, sesuadan rahmah, and at the same time, it gives benefits. So it strengthens, makes us comfortable in that relationship.

Well, this is what we need to learn from various parties, whoever it is, maybe here because the tips are I think it can be casuistic and one and the same can be different, especially when you were mentioned by Ms. Sunia with a very

between men and women, even between men and men, so my tips will not fit all men, not necessarily. But the basic concept is that if we are in a bad relationship, the characteristics are just anxious, afraid, too worried, easily

jealous, easily angry, if it's close, it's just not very good, even though our husband is our wife, we are easy to be controlled, or always feel controlled, can't express himself, and so on, or makes us just not close to our family, with friends, we are constantly wronged, constantly jealous, constantly controlled, so that we no longer become ourselves.

That is one of the toxic relationships. This has to be solved first. There are tips from psychology, neuroscience, etc.

I am more focused on the correct track, which means the relationship is healthy. Of course, healthy people are not 100% healthy, of course, the body also has to experience flu, sickness, fever, it's normal, but in general it's healthy.

Health means, if the body is in the context, it can eat, sleep, work, etc. In the context of relationships, of course, health is when we support each other, when we can open up, even though it is open, as Ms. Sunia said, different, at least people,

can be opened in a way that is angry, but angry in its portion, that is one form of openness. That is possible, and in general, people feel comfortable with their partner to continue their life.

We think that's healthy, that there is a little flu, it's the same, our body also has flu, there is sickness, there is... But when we are healthy in relation, sometimes we experience loneliness. When we are lonely, how? In my writing, this is to summarize from all

Maybe tips that can be developed further, there are three keywords. The first is open, the second is responsible, and the third is TTD prayer. So open to self-needs. What are the self-needs? It is conveyed. The term conveyed, of course, should not always be verbal.

One of them is verbal, but when we know that there are different hormones between men and women, not all men have the same hormone, not all women have the same hormone, so we need to continue to know ourselves and our partner.

So openness is not only the openness of ourselves verbally, which is known, but also our openness to be able to know our partner. That is also important. And this is a continuous process. Sometimes our problem is like this, when we have been married for a long time, the assumption is that we already know everything.

then when our partner doesn't know us or we don't know our partner, we easily blame them. So, in fact, age also affects us to at least in the cognitive way, we often forget or become forgotten. So when our partner forgets,

don't say that you don't love anymore, forget it. Because forget it is human, we just laugh at it, forget it as a person who is really human. We are in the process of forgetting and forgetting is better to be laughed at as part of the jocks in life.

So, sometimes it can be that a wife or husband has promised to leave at 8 am, for example. Every time, "we're leaving at 8 am", suddenly in the morning, one of them may still do something else, so that they can't leave at 8 am. If we challenge our partner, we will say, "how come we agreed, I don't understand."

But it can be forgotten, and forgotten is considered not love. But according to the open context, just remember it. Remember again, if you know that your partner or you often forget, you can laugh together, we ask to be remembered or we remind. Remember again, and that is the dynamic process. Maybe for other things, so don't

and then forget the reason for the previous one, for example, the love, the commitment, and then you turn to other people's hearts, and so on. This is what you have to realize,

our age increases and increases, it certainly increases various physical, cognitive, etc. weaknesses. So we have to try to understand ourselves and our partner better. Open is of course when it's important to be verbal

And women as hormones, of course not all women, because I also don't know how to talk about hormones too. Is it true that there are often gays, as mentioned by Ms. Sunia earlier, there are gays that it is difficult for women to open up, to express their needs. Is that really the case?

Because in fact, many women are very open, even asking for a hug. It's very open, it means that this can be a habit that is not hormonal or not always hormonal, but can be influenced by various other factors, for example comfort. Because if people are comfortable, they will be open to themselves. But comfort is not necessarily to make people open.

But again, we process together so that something that we consider boring can be conveyed so that we find other ways, other alternatives, or other efforts that make us

can do to strengthen the relationship again. And never feel that it is too tight or too much, or just use the remaining time. If it's true, it will strengthen us. Our problem is because

many demands, whether it's family, children, or siblings, or work demands, and community demands. We are too much demanded by the community, by the organization, by the church, by the school, by friends, by the people, so that it's really for the family to be the rest. That's definitely a waste, it needs extra if we really have given up

our soul for the people, it needs enough communication with our partner because if there is time left, even so, it will not be of quality because the time is left. In this context, it should not be left, it should not be loved. Loving means loving the money, loving the time, better to write, better to for example, and so on.

better for working, even though working can destroy our relationship and family, because of that, I think we don't need to love in the sense of not doing it, so love money, for example, when you are constantly being pestered, money will also run out, will be destroyed, will be left, will die, if not used to strengthen the relationship, love time for others, so it's open,

to find out, or express, then find out, then we do it because the ancient task must be active, the fi'il mudra must be active because if not, why do we have a relationship if in the end it is left, not given time, not fertilized, not watered, and so on. Well, this is open, that's about it.

So, opening up, maybe opening up our partner, opening up our partner for what is the need

that makes us not bored, or we have tips, ways that make us stronger on various habits, various routines that will definitely make us dizzy in this life, because in the morning we have to meet a lot of people,

doing activities, trading, selling, meeting, medsos, etc. We are stressed and stressed, etc. And this also affects our relationship, even if it is healthy, there will be poverty, etc. Therefore, the open nature is important, even though the way it is opened is different.

Secondly, responsibility. Responsibility in the open context, it encourages us to, if we know that we don't understand our partner yet, we must be responsible to make our partner understand. So the term "training" that Ms. Sunia mentioned is part of responsibility.

So if we know that our partner has a weakness that makes us not understand his needs,

We need to accompany the responsibility so that it can be opened up in the process. This is an open context. Moreover, the responsibility context is how to strengthen and make the couple benefit. So, open for self-interest, responsible for the interests of the partner. So we have the responsibility to push that.

So it's not enough if the language of the mawadda rohmah is open, it's part of the mawadda. The responsibility is part of the rohmah. So it's not enough if we're just comfortable, then we don't have a responsibility to make our partner comfortable. So if you feel comfortable, let's do it so that your partner is comfortable with you. That's the responsibility.

Or if you are not comfortable, tell him how to make it comfortable. This is also a form of responsibility, because if you are not comfortable, this will be a fight later. When it's a fight, it will also affect your partner. Therefore, it is important to always think in the context of the relationship, open to understanding the needs,

and responsible to recognize and process the needs of the partner so that it is fulfilled, if the family psychology term is our love energy, energy, what is it called, because we are in a relationship, we have responsibilities, if there is no benefit, there is no good, what do we have a relationship for? just energy is used to

not only to take care of but also to motivate us because we can benefit from it in the Islamic language, it is a blessing. Outside of opening up and responsibility, of course as believers we need to pray, we need to

We only have two hands, two eyes, we are very limited, even all humans are still very limited. This world is full of uncertainty, but of course what we hold, what we are able to do,

Don't think too much about what we can't do. Don't think too much about what the president can do. Don't make our relationship just be destroyed. Other parties' affairs, other traders' affairs, enter our discussion, then debate, argue, make our relationship just be destroyed. That's something that's far from our hands. What we can do, what we can smile about, is to smile.

Helping is possible, do it. But sometimes we argue about Palestine and Israel making a fight between husband and wife. This is very far. It's one of the responsibilities that we know, our hands are small, only two, do what can be done to strengthen that relationship. What can't be done because there are many, well, just give it up.

"Faitha azamta wa ta'wakala 'alallah" Here is the importance of praying because there are more things in our lives that we don't hold on to, we don't control the weather, for example, the pandemic, we can only be careful, but not everyone who is careful is not affected by Covid, because there are too many things that we can't control.

Too much and we don't know. Too much, too big this world if it is managed by all of us. So don't think that it will change the world. No, change yourself first. Now, the rest or other than that,

Pray will make us know that we are slaves, limited, still trying, of course, and give the rest to the Almighty. Because no matter how big we are, we are still bigger than what is not in us. No matter how smart we are, we are still more than what we do not know.

Whatever we have, there are still many things that we do not have. Therefore, beside the prayer, it is self-confidentation of that limitation and giving up, letting go, so that we can be the person

who is a jinn, a stikomah, a jinn, a stikomah, a person who is a servant of Allah who is limited but is in the process of becoming a khalifah

field art that gives as little goodness as possible according to the capacity, ability, and limitations, that's our best version, if the term is right, so to be the best is not to be Superman, to solve all the problems, to be like A, B, C, C, who become themselves in their own capacity,

that continues to process between yesterday, today, and tomorrow to continue to provide the best benefits, including in this context, in relationships. When the relationship goes up and down, let's ask, open, then it's the responsibility to do it, so that it presents goodness and healthy relationships.

And after that, pray together, hopefully we will continue to be given the opportunity to repair and remove all the defects. That's about it, Ms. Sunia. I don't have to give tips because tips can be very, what is it called, it can be very casual. This is just a big picture that allows us to be together.

recognize it then process it, do it, make it, then the great benefit of the fatwa wakal Allah is like that