0:00
When you want a real lasting change, you
0:01
have to change the driving force because
0:04
we have six human needs. Certainty,
0:07
uncertainty cuz think about this, if you
0:10
were certain every moment of your life,
0:11
you know what they're going to say
0:12
before they're going to say it,
0:14
but if you knew what someone would say
0:15
before they're going [music] to say you
0:16
know what's going to happen before it's
0:16
going to happen every moment of every
0:18
day, in the beginning it'd be cool, but
0:20
after a while what would you feel?
0:21
Bored. Out of your mind bored. So God in
0:24
her infinite wisdom gave us uncertainty.
0:27
Third need is significance. They need to
0:29
feel unique, [music] you need to feel
0:31
special, they need to feel important.
0:32
Who do you think has that need? All of
0:34
us. Everyone. Yeah. [music] Some people
0:36
do it by earrings, some people by
0:38
tattoos in certain areas, some people by
0:39
their art, some people by the way they
0:40
dress, some people by their money, some
0:42
people by being more generous. Everyone
0:43
finds a way, okay? Anytime you [music]
0:46
meet a belief, an emotion, or a behavior
0:49
meets at least three of these six needs,
0:51
you will become addicted to that
0:52
thought, that feeling, or that behavior.
0:54
It could be a positive one or a negative
0:56
one, but you will become addicted
0:58
Fourth need, connection and love.
1:02
Everybody wants love, most people settle
1:03
for connection cuz they've had love at
1:05
one point and it was so painful when it
1:07
ended, they decided to settle for
1:09
How can you get [music] it? You can get
1:10
it by going for a run and feeling
1:12
connected to God of the universe,
1:15
You can get it by prayer, you can get it
1:17
by uh being with some friends, you can
1:20
get it by making love, you can get it by
1:22
getting a dog. There's a million ways to
1:24
feel connection [music] and love. Some
1:25
are positive, some are negative. Some
1:27
people get connected by their problems.
1:29
They're always comparing problems. You
1:31
ever seen two people comparing but I
1:32
have this, well you think that's bad,
1:33
let me tell you mine. They're arguing
1:35
over significance and they're connecting
1:36
through their problems. The secret
1:38
[music] to it all are the final two
1:39
needs. These are the spiritual needs,
1:41
not religious but spiritual. And that is
1:45
>> When you grow, you feel alive and if you
1:47
don't grow, you start to die inside. But
1:49
we grow so we have something [music]
1:51
finally to give, which is where meaning
1:53
comes in life. If you're missing growing
1:55
and contributing, you will not feel
1:56
fulfilled. There is the science of
1:58
achievement, there's the art of
1:59
fulfillment. They're two different
2:01
[music] skills. If you want an
2:02
extraordinary life, you need both.
2:06
If you look at a great athlete, what
2:07
makes a great athlete? There's that
2:08
sense of not only practice and you got
2:10
it in your nervous system, you're
2:12
incredible in your strategy in the
2:13
sport, [music] but there's the state you
2:15
bring to the table. So I'm sure you've
2:19
>> a basketball player in the NBA about to
2:20
shoot a free throw, a kicker in the NFL,
2:23
and they go jogging out there and you
2:24
look at them and you go, they're going
2:25
to miss it. And sure enough they do.
2:27
Everyone's had that experience. How did
2:28
they know? They saw the [music] lack of
2:30
certainty in their body, right? And so
2:32
when you try to get yourself to do
2:33
something you've never done before, it
2:36
produces that kind of uncertainty. So I
2:38
always tell people if you want to break
2:40
I think of it as three things at the
2:42
most simple level to create a
2:43
breakthrough. A breakthrough being maybe
2:45
there's an area that you've not gotten
2:47
to where you want to be and you've
2:48
promised yourself you're going to do it
2:49
and then you don't follow through or
2:50
[music] you fall back and you're
2:52
frustrated with yourself. Most people
2:54
have had a something like that, but one
2:55
day they did break through. They did
2:57
finally say enough of this and that day,
2:59
that moment they changed their
3:00
relationship, they quit what they were
3:02
doing, they started something new. And
3:04
what I found is there's three parts to
3:05
that breakthrough. [music]
3:07
And if you want to break through in any
3:08
area, these are the things you got to
3:09
do, but I want to give you them in
3:10
reverse order real fast, okay? So
3:12
reverse order is most people [music]
3:14
they want to get make something happen,
3:16
they focus on the strategy. Now I'm a
3:18
strategist. I get paid to be able to
3:20
show someone how to save a decade cuz
3:21
the right strategy in business can save
3:23
you 10 years, right? But as much as I
3:25
love strategy, it's not what I start
3:29
The reason is because the natural
3:31
question is I want to achieve this, but
3:34
There's nothing wrong with answering the
3:35
question how, it's just the sequence of
3:37
these that are critical. It's like if I
3:39
told you this is someone's phone number
3:40
and you have the right numbers and you
3:41
dial the wrong order, you're not going
3:43
>> Right. If you knew the vault numbers but
3:45
you put them in the wrong order, the
3:46
vault doesn't open. When it comes to a
3:48
breakthrough, most people are focused on
3:50
the strategy, the how to, and the
3:52
problem is when you go to how to do
3:53
something you've never done before, it
3:55
brings uncertainty. Yes. And uncertainty
3:58
creates hesitancy and hesitancy kills
4:00
momentum, hesitancy kills performance,
4:02
hesitancy kills, you know, most things
4:04
that really matter in your life. So it's
4:06
not a strategy problem. People think
4:08
it's a strategy problem, it's not. The
4:09
real problem is they have a story. So
4:12
think of these three S's.
4:14
The story is locking them in place. The
4:16
story is what you said, a belief, but
4:19
when you stack a set of beliefs
4:20
together, you build a story and you tell
4:22
it to yourself over and over again until
4:24
you believe it. So the story is I've
4:26
tried everything. Yes. And I'll say to
4:28
them, really? Everything? How many
4:30
things you tried? I've tried thousands
4:31
of things. Then I go, okay, name them.
4:35
>> two things. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's
4:36
two things that don't work I did over
4:37
and over again, right? You know? But as
4:39
long as you believe that, a belief is
4:41
the feeling of certainty
4:43
about what can be done or can't be done,
4:45
right? Who you are, who you're not. So
4:47
when you go first for how, you have
4:49
uncertainty. I call it the tyranny of
4:51
how. You don't want to get to the how
4:52
first. You got to deal with the story
4:55
before that. If you change the story,
4:57
you can get a strategy that works, but
5:00
the order people work on is strategy,
5:01
rarely pay attention to story, but the
5:03
one before that is where we need to
5:04
start. [music] It's your state. So that
5:06
state of certainty, that state of
5:08
passion, that state of conviction, that
5:10
state of absolute determination, right?
5:12
That state that every great athlete has,
5:15
any great leader has, any great business
5:17
person has. If you have that state, it
5:19
will change your story. And it'll change
5:22
what you're able to do strategy with.
5:24
So the most important thing to do is
5:26
change your state first. That's why most
5:28
people fail to achieve what they want.
5:29
They have not become masters of their
5:30
own mental emotional state. And you know
5:32
in our events, that's my number one
5:34
piece cuz without that you won't get
5:36
lasting change. You'll get temporary
5:37
>> Yes. Once I get in a state, I can change
5:40
the story, that's easy. Once I change
5:42
the story, if I don't give you the
5:44
strategy, you'll find a strategy. You'll
5:46
make it happen. You'll find a way,
5:47
you'll make the way. You've lived this
5:49
as an athlete and as a businessman. So I
5:51
look at this and say,
5:53
the problem is most people do it in
5:55
reverse order. When they go in reverse
5:56
order, they stop the process, they don't
5:59
know how, they freak out about the
6:01
uncertainty, their story doesn't support
6:03
them, and now they're in a lousy state,
6:05
and so they try something try something
6:07
for a little while and never follow
6:09
>> Yes. So that's the breakthrough I do. So
6:10
it's it is a belief system, but I want
6:12
you to see it's a little more complex
6:13
than that. It's the state. We get What
6:15
am I supposed to do? Your state will
6:18
>> Uh-huh. So if you're fearful, you know,
6:19
your state is lost, you're going to
6:21
you're going to justify. If you're more
6:23
aggressive and there's something you
6:24
really want, you're going to you're
6:25
going to it's like I got to make this
6:27
thing happen, right? It's a different
6:28
piece. So you pick your beliefs based on
6:30
your state unconsciously. Each stage has
6:33
predictable challenges and opportunities
6:34
and the more you can know the pattern in
6:37
advance, the more you can anticipate.
6:39
Anticipation is power. [music]
6:41
Reaction puts you in fear. People say
6:44
now to me, they'll say things like, well
6:45
AI coming and all these changes
6:47
occurring. Like when people lose their
6:49
jobs, when there's no certainty in the
6:51
outside world, how are people going to
6:52
have certainty? And I go, let me give
6:53
you a clue, there was never any external
6:56
>> You've had rented certainty. You've
6:58
convinced yourself hypnotically that you
6:59
were certain cuz you had a job and you
7:01
had this and None of this and you walk
7:03
across the street and get hit by a bus,
7:04
right? There's so much that can happen.
7:06
So we hate uncertainty so much and we
7:09
want it so strongly, but if we link it
7:12
to our job or to an income or to a
7:14
person responding the way we want to,
7:16
>> Mhm. then you're going to live a very
7:17
fearful life. If you train yourself to
7:19
feel that internal certainty, which is
7:21
what you're did, and anticipate as much
7:24
as possible and you know, no matter
7:25
what, I'll find a way, that is a
7:28
>> Yes. You've gone to level of not just
7:30
how to deal with things, but the
7:31
identity is I'm the guy that will find
7:33
the way for my kids and for my family,
7:35
right? Yes. And that is freedom. No one
7:37
escapes massive massive stress. You
7:40
either use stress or stress uses you.
7:42
>> Yes. And the way you use stress is, you
7:44
know, the whole whole phrase they'd say,
7:45
you know, when you're going through
7:47
>> Yeah. If you keep going, three things
7:49
happen. Number one, you discover how
7:51
strong you really are.
7:52
>> Mhm. You it's the only way you're going
7:54
to find it is push through it and then
7:56
each time you do it, by the way, you get
7:57
stronger and stronger. Second, you
7:58
figure out who your real friends are,
8:00
not your Facebook friends. Cuz when all
8:01
hell's breaking loose, no one sticks
8:03
around except real friends. And then the
8:05
third, the most important thing is it
8:06
gives you like almost a little immunity
8:08
to future stress because it's like a
8:10
vaccination of it almost. So there's
8:12
great value in that process. Now if you
8:14
make it through those steps, [music] now
8:16
that internal certainty inside you just
8:19
builds and builds and builds. You see
8:21
the patterns you've not seen before and
8:27
I'm curious, from those who are at the
8:30
top [music] of their game to those who
8:31
are struggling day by day, what is the
8:34
number one limiting belief that most
8:37
that keeps them from accomplishing what
8:40
It's different depending upon what level
8:42
of life you get to, but people usually
8:44
bump up to against I'm not enough. With
8:46
the idea that maybe I'm not enough for
8:48
this level but I'm going to or the level
8:50
I want to go to in my life. Whether it's
8:52
they might be great in business but
8:53
they're not doing great in their
8:53
relationship or they're great in their
8:54
relationship but they're not good with
8:55
their kids. They're good with their kids
8:57
but their body's not where they want to
8:58
be. They got all the money but not the
8:59
body, right? And so I think most people
9:02
bump up against that fear that something
9:04
in me is not enough and the deeper fear
9:06
is that I'm not enough, I won't be
9:08
loved. And so it's an unconscious fear.
9:10
So most people push it aside by focusing
9:12
on what they're good at and not taking
9:14
care of those other things till they
9:15
bite them, the relationship, the body,
9:17
whatever it is, the kids. Or they come
9:20
up with a story about, well, I don't
9:22
need to be a good at that or that's just
9:24
not my nature. And so I'm often called
9:26
in to help somebody, you know, sharpen
9:28
their skills, but you're right, usually
9:30
there's a limiting belief of some sort.
9:32
So that I couldn't say there's one, but
9:34
if I was saying the most dominant one,
9:36
it's like I've never done this before,
9:38
so how the hell am I going to do it,
9:39
right? There's uncertainty.
9:41
When people ask me like, what is the one
9:43
common denominator of people that
9:44
succeed on a massive scale around the
9:46
>> I'd always in the beginning say, well, I
9:48
love wicked intelligence, but I know a
9:50
lot of very smart people that I can't
9:52
fight their way out of a paper bag in
9:53
their relationship or their finances,
9:54
you know, they're smart in one area and
9:57
But the one that's absolutely completely
9:59
[music] accurate is hunger. The hunger
10:01
to be more, to do more, to give more, to
10:03
share more. Somebody who has a hunger
10:05
that doesn't die. [music]
10:06
Not a hunger to get make a certain
10:08
amount of money or a hunger to achieve
10:10
you know, a swimsuit size, but a hunger
10:12
that's unquenchable. Those are the
10:15
people that you know their names because
10:17
they have an impact. So it's like
10:19
whether it's Richard Branson who's in
10:20
his 70s, he's the same hunger today as
10:22
when he was 16 years old in that crypt
10:23
in your country coming [music] up with
10:25
Virgin, right? And it's same level of
10:27
let's give it a go, right? He's got that
10:31
To me, that's the gift. And it's stoking
10:33
your hunger or awakening someone's
10:34
hunger that doesn't have it. That's a
10:36
real gift and that's one of the gifts I
10:38
think I've tried [music] to refine
10:39
within myself and help people with.
10:43
Because I believe there's three
10:44
decisions you make every moment of your
10:46
life. You're making [music] them right
10:47
now if you're listening to me and so is
10:48
your audience. The first one is what are
10:50
you going to focus on?
10:51
You're going to focus on [music] what
10:52
happened yesterday, what you're going to
10:53
have for lunch, what I'm saying, how it
10:55
relates to you. There are millions of
10:56
things you can focus on.
10:58
But you don't experience [music] life.
11:00
You experience the life you focus on.
11:02
And most of us are distortion, deletion
11:04
creatures. Our brains don't take it all
11:06
in consciously. It's [music] too much.
11:08
So our brains delete things. We distort
11:11
things. We generalize things so we can
11:12
make it through our lives. And so if you
11:15
don't control [music] your focus, you
11:17
react. The minute you focus on
11:19
something, your brain has to figure out
11:20
what does this mean?
11:22
Is this the end or the beginning?
11:24
Is this person testing me? Is the are
11:26
they challenging [music]
11:27
me? Are they coaching me? Are they
11:30
And whatever meaning you give it
11:32
produces emotion. And out of that
11:33
emotion you make the third decision,
11:34
what am I going to do?
11:37
Everyone gets called on the journey.
11:39
Most people try to resist it. But that
11:41
journey, that's what the call is. It's
11:43
called to grow. So I'm I'm big on change
11:47
your story, change your life. And I'm
11:49
big on understanding the narrative of
11:50
where you are in the story of your life
11:52
because if you understand where you are,
11:53
it gives context. It gives meaning. And
11:55
it doesn't make you feel overwhelmed.
11:59
Change is never a matter of ability.
12:01
It's always a matter of strong enough
12:04
>> of motive. If you got strong enough
12:05
reasons, you can do just about anything.
12:07
And so I really believe that the [music]
12:09
secret to life is to find something you
12:11
care about more than yourself that gives
12:13
you that pull motivation. And then
12:14
you're never going to lack for energy.
12:16
[music] You're never going to lack for
12:17
passion. You're never going to lack for
12:18
anything. And you're going to have a
12:19
life that's extremely meaningful.
12:23
>> Now life is calling you. What are you
12:25
going to give? Not Not just what you
12:27
want to give, but what people need.
12:29
And so my focus is I give people what
12:32
they want, [music] but my goal is so I
12:33
can give them what they need, which is a
12:35
life that has more meaning.
12:39
You know, you're going to battle with
12:40
internal things within you and external
12:42
things. But if you keep going, you're
12:44
going to eventually slay your dragons
12:46
and you come out being the hero of your
12:47
own life and you have something to share
12:49
that isn't It's not something
12:50
you read somewhere. It's something
12:52
>> Something you want.
12:53
>> And everybody can feel you've lived it
12:54
cuz it's a different level of of
12:56
ownership, you know? And then by the
12:58
way, as soon as you do that, it happens
13:01
You're called on another journey. You
13:02
have a new new level of challenge that
13:04
you need to go on. It It just never
13:05
ends, but it's It makes life really
13:08
really beautiful. How can people who are
13:10
always very hard on themselves learn
13:12
[music] to build up their self-esteem a
13:16
I don't know if self-esteem [music] is
13:18
the answer. You know, I think I don't
13:19
think it's bad to be hard on yourself as
13:21
long as you also celebrate when the
13:22
victories [music] happen. But you know,
13:24
so many people will tell you I have poor
13:26
self-esteem because when I was a kid,
13:27
people said this to me and that to me.
13:29
It's convenient that we remember those
13:31
things and not the positive things that
13:32
also occur obviously.
13:35
What I think is more important is to
13:37
realize that self-esteem is earned. It's
13:39
only earned by you with yourself.
13:41
You're not going to get self-esteem cuz
13:42
everybody praises you. You somebody can
13:44
tell you your whole life that you're
13:45
brilliant, you're a genius, you're
13:46
beautiful, you're handsome and you not
13:48
believe it. Someone can tell you, you
13:49
know, you're a piece of crap and you're
13:50
never going to become anything and
13:51
there's a part of you can say I'll show
13:52
you as many people have and then they
13:54
they'll thrive out of it, right? So it's
13:57
[music] really self-esteem comes from
13:58
doing incredibly difficult things where
14:00
you know you pushed yourself. It's not
14:01
virtue signaling. It's not telling
14:03
people about it. It's what you know
14:05
inside your soul is true. And the
14:07
[music] more you do things that are
14:08
incredibly difficult and especially
14:10
things that are meaningful, meaning
14:11
they're not just [music] about yourself,
14:13
the higher that esteem would be. I think
14:15
the most important thing for self-esteem
14:17
is to find something you care about more
14:18
than yourself. [music]
14:19
If you find something you care about
14:20
more than you, you won't be thinking
14:22
about yourself all the time and all your
14:24
>> self-esteems just goes out the window.
14:28
The real question is what do you want?
14:32
If you want an extraordinary life, my
14:34
definition of that is life on your
14:37
Some people it's three beautiful
14:39
children and a white picket fence. Some
14:40
people it's building a multi-billion
14:42
dollar business. Somebody else it's
14:45
Instead of looking for somebody else,
14:47
it's like, okay, what do you really want
14:51
>> And aligning yourself with moving
14:53
forward towards what you really want.
14:56
If you can do that in a way that also
14:57
you feel you're serving others
14:58
simultaneously, there's a there's a
15:00
sense of meaning in life that can't be
15:02
replaced by self-esteem or praise or
15:06
>> being nice to yourself.
15:09
And I don't think it's bad to be a tough
15:10
on yourself. I'm pretty tough on myself,
15:12
I'll be honest with you.
15:13
Being overly tough on yourself usually
15:16
comes by making comparisons that don't
15:20
You're You're comparing to somebody
15:21
else's life that has a totally different
15:23
path, a totally different experience. We
15:24
all develop in different stages and
15:26
different things. They all want
15:29
But eventually you wake up and say, it's
15:31
good to be strong with yourself.
15:33
But beating yourself up just lowers your
15:35
energy. And when your energy gets lower,
15:36
you produce less. And you don't have the
15:38
same level of joy. You don't have the
15:40
the impact that you want to have nor do
15:41
you have the excitement that you really
15:42
want to have. So I look at it as
15:44
something that it's worth earning your
15:46
own self-esteem. [music]
15:48
But it's really not the secret. The
15:49
secret is find something else you obsess
15:50
about more than yourself and you'll have
15:52
a level of energy that will compel you
15:57
When I began, I began with a fuel which
15:59
was like a I'm going to show them my you
16:02
know, my It was [music] anger that drove
16:04
me. You know, I'm just going to show you
16:07
But that fuel doesn't last.
16:09
And then the next fuel that people you
16:10
tend to use is I got to succeed, but
16:12
there's a little fear underneath that
16:14
that's driving them, which is like what
16:16
if I don't? versus a knowing, you know,
16:19
it's like if you give your all every
16:21
day, your gifts will make room for you.
16:23
And it's like having a knowingness that
16:26
things were are going to be fine. And
16:28
then there's the next level which is you
16:29
start to know who you are and you're not
16:31
trying to prove it to yourself or other
16:33
And it's just you just want to help.
16:37
It's the difference between what I would
16:38
call push motivation and pull, right?
16:41
Push is I'm going to make this happen
16:43
and it takes tremendous willpower and I
16:45
know you have plenty of willpower. I do
16:47
But there's a limit to willpower. But
16:49
there's no limit to pull.
16:52
Pull is when there's something
16:53
magnificent that you want to serve,
16:55
something that you're you've got an
16:56
obsession for to create or to do or make
16:59
happen. And that doesn't it you know,
17:02
you don't lose that energy. You don't
17:03
lose [music] those components and you're
17:05
able to laugh and enjoy along the way.
17:09
I think it's important to realize
17:10
wherever focus goes, energy flows. It's
17:12
corny, but it's true, right? Um
17:15
in fact, maybe an easier way of saying
17:17
uh we don't experience life. None of us
17:20
We experience the life we focus on.
17:22
So in any moment, what's wrong is always
17:23
available. So is what's right.
17:26
So it's not about being positive. Uh
17:27
it's about being intelligent.
17:30
You know, you got to look at the impact
17:31
of what you're believing. And you got to
17:33
look at and say, you know, where is my
17:35
focus going? There's I can always be
17:38
upset about something. I can always find
17:40
something to be joyous or at least
17:41
grateful for which leads to joy. And I
17:44
think it's learning to discipline your
17:47
You know, not allow them to grow and to
17:49
move on and to use whatever life has
17:52
Keep getting around things you're not
17:54
used [music] to and let something hit
17:55
you. And something's going to strike
17:57
you. Something's going to wake you up.
17:58
Something's going to make you feel more
17:59
desire, more want to give [music]
18:02
something to life as opposed to just
18:04
live your life. That's why we've got to
